It is always my desire to take the events of my life, good or bad, and use them to draw nearer to the Lord. I'd like to encourage you to do the same...
Think back to the last time you were hurt...really hurt. For some of us, we won't need to look back to far to find it. Think of the last time you were upset, angry, cried (or wanted to cry). Think of your last big physical or emotional pain. Think of the person or situation that caused the pain. What were you thinking about that person or situation when you were going through that hurt? What was your very first, your initial reaction?
A few days ago, I ended up getting myself pretty well wounded. Like a world renown doctor on a mission I was able to pinpoint the source of the pain, and I diagnosed it. I determined the pain was caused by a person. I determined the cure to be expressing my feelings, and even speaking poorly about that individual (I had a right to after all, didn't I? I was devastated!), and I felt that once I had acted on that cure that my prognosis was going to be good. I was hurt, I saw a way to lessen the pain, and afterward I felt better and was ready to move along. I heal pretty quickly, so it was only a 48 hour process. No harm done on my end, right?
Wrong.
That initial reaction of mine was terrible. Not because I did anything drastic or inflicted pain on anyone else...but because of what it revealed about my relationship with the Lord.
For one thing, Proverbs 31 gives a "Description of a Worthy Woman". This was a relationship hurt, and here I was blaming the dude in the situation when right there in verse 25 was something that I needed to see. "Strength and dignity are her clothing, and she smiles at the future." Where was my strength, my dignity? I sure wasn't handling that situation with a smile and with hope for the future. And why not??
I began reading through the Psalms last night, and prayerfully seeking the answer to that question.
Here are some little pieces of Psalm 34, Psalm 40 and Job 1:21 :
"O taste and see that the Lord is good; How blessed is the man who takes refuge in Him!"
"Many are the afflictions...but the Lord delivers him out of them all."
"I waited patiently for the Lord; and He inclined to me and heard my cry. He brought me up out of the pit of destruction, out of the miry clay, and He set my feet upon a rock making my footsteps firm. He put a new song in my mouth, a song of praise to our God..."
"...The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away. Blessed be the name of the Lord."
And I had my answer. Why was I distraught instead of smiling? I know about the Lord...but how well do I really know the Lord? On a Sunday morning, I will tell you with all certainty that God will deliver us from all affliction, that He gives us hope, that He protects us, that He delivers us, that even when He takes away - it's a blessing. But my initial reaction to that abrupt hurt did not say any of those things.
It's my desire to not only know "about" God, but to know Him intimately. To not just say that I trust Him, but to actually trust Him. We don't doubt that our best friend has our back, we don't doubt that our mothers will still love us tomorrow, we don't doubt that the sun will set tonight and rise again in the morning. God is more faithful, more constant than those. The tangible things in life that we view as constant and never changing - He made those. The reason we don't doubt those other things is because we know them on a "real" level...we see them every day, we've experienced them all our lives. God's creation being a constant for us, is just a mere reminder that HE is constant.
And now I can experience real healing. Divine healing for my hurts. By drawing near to the Lord who can and will deliver me out of anything, I have allowed Him to put a new song in my mouth...a song of praise to God.
Lord, I wait patiently for you. I know you hear me. I don't want to know more about your blessings and your provisions...I want to know YOU. Change my heart and forgive me for being bitter and uncaring to another one of your creation that you care about so much. Let me be a woman of strength and dignity...of hope. One who will point others in Your direction by living a life that is wrapped up in You.
