Grace for Sale!

Good Friday and Easter are fast approaching, and I've been thinking a lot this week about what occurred at Christ's crucifixion and resurrection.  On Good Friday we remember that Christ was crucified upon the cross for our sins...it's not something I take very lightly.  It's something I think about with reverence, sadness, and even conviction.  My sins weigh on me a little bit more heavily this time of year, as I take the time to think about the One who died to remove them and wash me clean.  I'm not for living our lives in shame (as I wrote about in my Shamelessly Redeemed post), but it's also important that we don't take our salvation for granted.  There's a delicate line there, between understanding the true weight our sins carry, and living in the freedom that was purchased for us on the cross.  Of course on Easter, the mood has slightly shifted.  From sadness at the sacrificial death of our King, to joy at His sweet resurrection!  We serve a God who lives, and gives us life in Him! (Insert "Hallelujah!" here.)

It was with this train of thought that I found myself reading in the scriptures a little about grace this week.  Defining grace, trying to better understand it, and taking a closer look at my heart in regards to it.

For me, it is sometimes difficult to accept the free gift of grace.  I have a good understanding of my shortcomings and my sins, to the point of sometimes struggling with feelings of shame and condemnation...it's hard for me to accept that someone has loved me through all of that, loved me relentlessly - to the point of dying a gruesome, painful death to be a covering for me.  I have to be careful that I'm not making my salvation "about me".  I'm an American after all...I know that "nothing is free" (unless you buy one first), and that "if it seems too good to be true, it probably is".  Not so with God...he's not an American.  He's not a person.  He's beyond my understanding.  You see, it's not about what I have done, what I am doing, or what I will do.  My salvation is not dependent on my tithes, or the good deeds I'm doing for others.  It's not about how many sign-up sheets I put my name on at church, or how loudly I sing during worship service. 

Romans 6:23 says "For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord." (NASB)

It's so easy to fully believe the "wages of sin is death" part, but I think many of us aren't fully understanding the "free gift of God" part.  FREE.  GIFT.  OF GOD.  Those are some important words, ya'll. 

I've heard others talk about a verse of scripture that says "faith without works is dead".  They are under the impression that works are somehow a requirement for salvation.  I can't begin to tell you how sad, and angry that makes me.  Sad because of the bondage that must come, the weight that must come with "earning" your salvation through works.  The insecurity of never knowing when you've truly done enough to be saved.  And angry because it takes away from what my savior did on that cross.  It makes Him and His sacrificial free gift not enough.  Who am I to say that God isn't capable of doing enough to save me? If anyone can save me, isn't it Him?  If you were standing at the foot of the cross, seeing Christ suffer for you and your salvation...would you look up and say to Him "What you're doing isn't enough for me! YOU are not enough!" ? Of course we wouldn't say that to His face.  But sometimes...by our actions and our hearts...we are doing just that.  

The verse they're referring to when making those comments is in James chapter 3.  But I'm assuming they didn't read through Romans on their way there, or didn't read the rest of James.  

I do believe that faith without works is dead...but I'm saved by the free gift of grace.  There's nothing I could ever do myself to deserve any measure of heaven, but I'm given it all -I am a joint heir in the kingdom with Christ, because of what He has given me freely.  Our works and our obedience shouldn't come from a place of somehow trying to make ourselves worthy of heaven.  Nothing we can do ourselves will ever make us worthy of an ounce of it.  When we accept salvation through Jesus Christ, we are accepting that what HE has done really was enough.  Our sins are washed away, and God remembers them no more.  Then, because of the transformation of our hearts by God's complete, redeeming love, the works flow naturally.  When we understand His love, His grace, His salvation, we desire to serve and follow Him.  We keep His commandments because we love Him.  We help our neighbor because the love He has freely poured over us is in such an abundance that it naturally overflows into the lives of others.  The works prove that the faith and the free gift were real.  If we're not living in that overflow of love, we need to look at our hearts and see if maybe we haven't had a real encounter with Christ and His Grace.  

Romans 3:23-24 says "For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, being justified as a gift by His grace through the redemption which is Christ Jesus". 

It's a good time of year to make sure we aren't trying to purchase our salvation from God, that we aren't trying to buy His love or grace, or make ourselves worthy of them.  It's a good time of year to accept that gift, and allow Him to transform us into His image.  In His image we were created - sinless, perfect.  And that is what we should desire to be transformed into through Jesus Christ.  

And in regards to Christ... "..there is salvation in no one else; for there is no other name under heaven that has been given among men by which we must be saved." (Acts 4:12, NASB)

Lord Jesus, thank you for a the free gift of your grace.  Please help me to accept it, and to truly believe that you are enough.  You are more than enough for me.  

"..if you confess with your mouth Jesus as Lord, and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved.."

 

Mountain!? Maybe He Meant...Paperclip?

Lately, God has really been speaking to my heart through the gospels. In Mark 11:22-24. Jesus had just spoken to a fig tree, and it croaked (verses 13-14 and verses 20-21). His followers asked him about this, and his response was that with faith, it's no big deal.  With faith, we can even cast a mountain into the sea!

Do I really think I can ask a mountain to become an ornament of the ocean floor, and that it will happen?? I, who struggle with finances and can't even make $20 go very far, can ask a mountain to move into the sea, and it will!?

Yes. Yes, I can and it will. When God spoke to me about this verse, he wasn't telling me that I was supposed to turn this mountain I happen to live on into a valley (although if He asked me now I wouldn't hesitate). He was reminding me of my unbelief. How I sometimes choose which parts of His Word I'm going to trust in completely. I'm sometimes guilty of picking and choosing which parts of His word I'm not only going to believe, but which parts I'm going to live. By doing that, I'm not only hindering my own spiritual growth...I'm in fact limiting how much of God I experience. And I'm limiting how much of God others can experience!

When Jesus cursed that stinkin' fruitless tree (who likes figs, anyway?), the disciples heard him. And then they saw the tree that had withered. What a huge deal it was for them! Maybe even a turning point in how they thought about miracles and of faith.

When God asks me to do something that seems outrageous to me, I'm going to remember that tree. I'm going to think about that mountain. I'm going to think about all the things God has said, and about how I know  that each and every one of them is true. And I'm going to think about the people who may be turned to Him by my faith and obedience.

It's not about how small I am, or how big the mountain is. It's not about me or the mountain at all! It's about my relationship with God, and how big He is!

The other thing this verse has encouraged me to do, as I hope it will encourage you, is to really get into God's word with a new perspective. The perspective of really truly believing everything God has said. How many other things did He say that I push to the side, ignoring my unbelief? How many things do I know in my head, but maybe don't fully believe them in my heart?  I won't know until I seek them all out...and I intend to!

Am I Being Babbled?

The story of the Tower of Babel in Genesis 11 has always been an interesting one to me. I can't even imagine the panic and chaos as mother scolds little Jimmy for not eating his peas, and little Jimmy goes from not listening to mom...to not understanding her in an instant. Oh, the look he must have given her as she babbled on!

But what's more interesting to me, is why this happened. Here, many people had come together and were united in their purpose to make a name for themselves...to show the rest of the world that they were here to stay. Things didn't quite go according to plan.

God not only deserves to be first and foremost in our lives, but he expects it. (He's aware that he is the Lord, after all.) And he knows what's best for us, even when we think we're making all the right decisions. When we are bound and determined to do the wrong thing, God won't force us to do the right thing...but he may throw a few stumbling blocks in the road for our benefit!

How many times in my life have I wondered why it seemed that my plans were falling apart, or thought that nothing was going the way it should? Maybe I was being babbled. Maybe I was desiring something I shouldn't have been, and God helped me out by letting a few of my plans fall apart.

Going forward, I'm going to be on a better look out for "Babel Situations". When something I've really wanted doesn't work out for me, I'm going to get on my knees and take a good hard look at my heart. Am I desiring to make a name for myself, prove to everyone that I'm someone special, prove to myself that I'm valuable? Or am I ultimately motivated by my heart's desire to exalt the name of the Lord?

I don't think God's behind every bad thing that comes our way. But if he's trying to keep me from going down the wrong path, I want to make sure I'm not just stepping over the road block. I want to get back on track. When things fall apart, it's a time to either thank God for the blessing of his intervention, or to worship Him in the midst of those circumstances, and put what we say about faith and trust into action. Either way, our relationship with Him will be strengthened...and that relationship is far more important than any plans we've been making for ourselves.

Lord...Find In Me A Blind Man!

In John Chapter 9, we find the story of Jesus healing a man who was born blind.

After his healing, the man who was healed from his blindness is being questioned...and here he is responding to the Pharisees (or rather the "Pharican'tsees"), who were asking questions about who healed him and how he did it. They were angry haters, who because of what they "thought" they knew, were putting this man in an uncomfortable spot. They wanted him to give them the response that they want to hear... and he knows it. The man answers them...in a nutshell, he tells them that this man (this man that these "Religious People" do not know at all) is of God! (John 9:33)

After this interrogation and bold response, in which this blind man already seems to have formed a belief about the One who healed him, Jesus approaches him and confirms his belief. He asks the formerly blind, now seeing fellow, "Do you believe in the Son of Man?" (John 9:35) "You have both seen Him, and He is the one who is talking with you" (verse 37)...and the young man's reaction?

He said, "Prove it to me with your excellent knowledge of theology. Show me more signs and wonders, because just receiving my sight isn't enough. Let me go to your church and make sure nothing seems weird. And then after several years of thinking and googling, I will believe you!"

No...he didn't react that way. But how often WE react that way! Wanting more and more proof before accepting God's teachings, before accepting God Himself. Needing to be taught the same things over and over before we truly, wholeheartedly believe!

What this now seeing man actually said, in John 9:37, literally brought me to tears. "...he said, 'Lord I believe'. And he worshiped Him."

Look at the punctuation in that beautiful verse! "Lord I believe." Lord-I-believe-period.
He simply believed.
And he worshiped Him.

I cried when I read this because of what Jesus had done for this man, and I'm still crying because of how convicted I'm feeling. What's wrong with me? I was absolutely, totally blind. Blind from birth! And in an instant, Jesus stepped into my heart and radically transformed it. Radically transformed my life. My eternity! And yet, I sometimes go through days, weeks and months of my life when I seem to have forgotten I was ever blind. I go through days, weeks and months when I take the free, saving grace of Jesus for granted, whether or not I realize it.

In John 9:39 Jesus said "For judgment I came into this world, so that those who do not see may see, and that those who see may become blind."

Ugh. I am sometimes more like one of those people who thinks they're seeing, and in doing so become blind. Not that I've been living like a "Pharican'tsee", but where is my belief? Where is my "Lord, I believe. - Period." response, and the falling-on-my-seeing-face-to-worship-Him reaction?

I expect to have this kind of reaction when remembering my salvation - but I should also have it every time I see the Lord move. Every time I see how generous He has been in providing for me. Every time I hear his voice, or read his Word. I shouldn't NEED to bury myself in footnotes and research.  My belief should come from my encounters with the Living God, it won't come from reciting what "Religious People" have taught me to say.  Yes, I want to understand Him correctly. But more than that - I want to and need to just believe His teachings, and worship Him. Period.

I know this is nothing new. We've been singing the song "Amazing Grace" forever. But I want to remember that first "Amazing Grace" moment every day. I never want to forget my blindness, because that means I forget the grace of God who gives me sight.  I want to be able to feel that same "Amazing Grace" moment with everything I learn AFTER my salvation, too.

Lord, thank you for taking lessons I've learned 1,000 times, and speaking from them to my heart 2,000 times. I'm "seeing" with new eyes every day that your Word is alive. And because of it, I see you. And I believe.

Flood Survival 101

In Genesis, Chapter 6, we find the story of Noah and the flood.

At this time, God was bumming hard. People were wicked, and God was sad he'd even created them in the first place. So, he was going to un-create them. He planned to flood the earth, wipe it out, and then...well I'm not sure what he planned to do after that.

But God saw Noah. Noah was a man still living by God's standards, and God was not only going to save his family because of it...he was essentially giving humanity another chance. (Thanks, Noah, we owe you one!)

So with flood warnings in effect, Noah built the ark. I'm sure he was afraid. He'd never had a flood warning before. No one had. And we can imagine the looks he got from the neighbors as he built his land-locked ship. But Noah had taken Flood Survival 101. And it's summed up in Genesis 6:22 : "Noah did everything just as God commanded him."

Not to spoil the end of the story, but it all worked out! And Noah, who was not a professional ship builder, built a boat that did not sink.

There's much we can take away from this one verse survival course. (Well, two verses actually, because the same point is reiterated in verse 7:5...and I don't think God has a bad memory...I'm pretty sure he repeated this for our benefit.)

In life, there are floods. Literal of course, but also figurative. There are going to be storms that come our way. Problems in relationships, in our health, with our jobs and the economy. But we can survive it all. By walking with the Lord, and doing all that he commands us to do!

I know that personally, I'm very good at calling out to the Lord when a problem arises. When things look bleak, I know the Lord has the answers. What I'm not so good at, is doing ALL that he commands me to do. I do maybe 40% of what he wants me to. I do the things that are easy for me to do. 

And so, after doing 40% of what God commands me to do, I turn to God again. Because I'm still in a stormy situation, and my boat has sprung a leak. And now I know why that happens. God commands me to do something for a reason! His commands are laid out in His Word, and he gives me counsel through my fellow believers, and by speaking directly to my heart. All I need to do is all that I am asked by Him.

Today it is my prayer that I will be more like Noah. Someone that God can count on to be completely obedient. Hopefully the fate of humanity will never rest on my shoulders, on my obedience...but the lives and souls of those around me may very well be hanging in the balance.

Shamelessly Redeemed

"The lord God made garments of skin for Adam and his wife and clothed them."  (Genesis 3:21, NIV)

God made garments of skin for Adam and Eve, after their sin in the garden of Eden.  After they realized they were naked, and tried to hide from God.

I've read that verse many times, and it's always just been "part of the story".  But this time reading it, something was different.  I wonder...how did God feel when his creation was hiding from him in shame because they were naked?  And how does this apply to me?

Imagine you have a baby.  A beautiful little spittin' image of yourself.  And that baby begins to grow.  They're walkin', talkin', and so excited every time you come into the room.  And yes, sometimes they even run around naked.  They're carefree.  They live and they love and they don't think about consequences at all.  And then one day...that baby grows up.  Doesn't want to talk to you when you come home from work.  Locks themselves away in their room, or runs off with their friends for hours.  Doesn't laugh with you anymore anymore.  Doesn't want a relationship with you anymore.

How sad that must feel.  How sad for parents to have their children grow up and grow apart, and for our Heavenly Father.  He desires closeness with us, and desires that we are free to live and love and laugh with Him!  And then we sin, and we feel shame.  We hide ourselves from God, because let's face it, we're embarrassed by our mistakes.  And there's God...over there.  Waiting patiently for us to come out because he doesn't look at us and see our sin.  He sees US.  His children, his creation.  And all He wants is to restore that relationship.  To remove the shame that's keeping us from running into His arms.

Instead of turning to Him, we try to help ourselves out as best we can. Maybe again because we're too embarrassed to run to our Father.  We try to "fix it".  We make our garments out of leaves and sticks...they aren't very comfortable.  We'd rather be uncomfortable than have to look in the face of our Creator and ask for help, sometimes.  It's hard to tell someone who has never wronged you, has blessed you and loved you unconditionally that you disobeyed them anyway.  But He doesn't give up on us.  He seeks us out, and he makes us garments of skin. 

After wearing clothes made of leaves, I bet Adam and Eve were pretty happy to be wearing garments of skin.  They didn't get caught on things and rip so easily, weren't so uncomfortable and scratchy.  Plus, we know who made those garments, so I'd be willing to bet they were built to last.  And probably beautiful, too.

When we sin there are consequences.  We may not get kicked out of the Garden of Eden for our disobedience, but we have to walk down the paths we choose.  God doesn't keep us from making the wrong decision.  Sure, he warns us and tries to help us make the best decisions for our lives...but we don't always listen. 

And then God comes looking for us.  He finds us in our sin, walking in a direction we never wanted to go...and he gives us garments.  He loves us, he protects us, he provides for us.  Even after our disobedience.  Even in our shame, in our fear.

After reading Genesis 3 today, one of the many things I feel I've learned, is that I need to be better about running to God.  No, I don't want to sin.  But I also don't want to let my shame keep me from restoring my relationship with my Father.  Too many times in the past I've let shame rule my life.  I've let shame keep me from living the life of the Redeemed.  I see now that not only have we been sinning from Genesis 3, but God's been loving us, providing for us, healing us and restoring that relationship with us ever since.  How He loves us!

The Fellow and the Ship

Hebrews 3:12-13 (NASB) says "Take care, brethren, that there not be in any one of you an evil, unbelieving heart that falls away from the living God. But encourage one another day after day...so that none of you will be hardened by the deceitfulness of sin."

Often in my life I haven't made much effort to build relationships with believers in my church. I attend on Sunday, I care about them dearly, but I don't spend much time with them outside of our place of worship. Instead I've chosen to spend the majority of my time with people who aren't Christians. How then can I be around to give and receive encouragement "day after day"? It doesn't say weekly or bi-weekly here! I always thought I passed my time with people other than "believers" because I had a heart for the lost. And I do, but maybe that's not the only reason...

I think a big part of why I've spent so much time hanging out with unbelievers, is not only because we may have similar interests and get along well...If I'm being honest, I might admit that I hang out with them to hide a little bit. As people without similar beliefs, they don't know when I'm "doing wrong". They won't hold me to the same standards, so I don't worry so much about what they might think of me and my actions.

Man, just typing that makes me look...scuzzy, doesn't it? It's not something I'm proud to admit. It's not something I've ever even thought about before today. But I always felt I could survive just fine with whatever friends I wanted in my life. But that's not really the truth.

The truth is...I need the fellowship of my fellow believers. I need people in my life who will encourage me to stay the course, and to grow to maturity as a Christian. Compared to my unbelieving friends, I do seem quite mature. But then I spend ten minutes talking to a "grown up" Christian, and wonder how they know so much!

I also need to be able to be there for my Christian friends. They need my love and support as much as anybody else, don't they?

It's unfortunately easy to rationalize behaviors and lower expectations when we don't have any accountability. We will always be held accountable to God, but sometimes we do a good job of blocking out His voice. Sometimes, we need a friend who can tap us on the shoulder and bring areas for growth to our attention.

I don't want my brother or sister in Christ to fall away, just because I was too busy with "my own life" to encourage them. I don't want my heart to be hardened by the deceitfulness of sin just because I was too afraid to let people who know what's expected of the children of God to get too close to me. The very fact that they're believers should actually make me feel more safe - they are the most forgiving group of people on the planet! After all, they believe that unless they're forgiving, they themselves won't be forgiven.

I want to be a teachable person. I want to be open to the correction and teaching of God and of my "grown up" Christian peers. I need the counsel of those mature Christians "who because of practice have their senses trained to discern good and evil." (Hebrews 5:14)

I don't need to fear the correction of God, and of those who "know more than I do". ..."for what son is there whom his father does not discipline?" (Hebrews 12:7) It's part of being in the family! And who in the family wants to sit and watch as every other kid gets their drivers license and a new car, while they're stuck at home doing the dishes? I want to grow in faith and maturity, so that God can trust me not just with the little things. I want to be a person God can count on to be responsible and obedient with the things that mean the most, and will make the most impact on this corrupt world I (temporarily) live in.

Jesus, thank you for teaching me the importance of fellowship in maturing as a Christian. Help me to be teachable, and encouraging that I may function with my brothers and sisters to see your will fulfilled.

God Isn't In Church...

This isn't exactly new information, but it's something I read today that spoke volumes to my heart.  God isn't in my church...or your church.  Let me explain...

First, I want to take a look at a passage of scripture from (yet again) the book of Acts.  Acts 17:24-25 says this:

"The God who made the world and all things in it, since He is Lord of heaven and earth, does not dwell in temples made with hands; nor is He served by human hands, as though He needed anything, since He Himself gives to all people life and breath and all things"

I have sometimes been guilty of being a "church" snob.  Thinking that maybe some types of churches had "better" encounters with God than others.  Thinking that the presence of the Lord was stronger in a certain denomination than another.  But, I don't think that's typically the case.  The fact really is, it doesn't matter what the sign out in front of your church says.  It doesn't matter if you decorate the inside in a certain way.  It doesn't matter if your worship band doesn't happen to have a drum set (as much as it hurts me to admit it).  

Who are we to think that God cares more about one denomination than another?  That the Lord of heaven and earth would care where our church is listed in the phone book?  

Now, I will say this...God might not show up to all denominations equally.  He seeks a personal relationship with each of us, and if we are putting ourselves in a place that teaches against that, or has incorrect doctrine, God may very will withhold his presence.  BUT, He pursues us on an individual level.  He loves us as individuals, not necessarily for who we are as a "whole" with our fellow believers.  That said, I believe you can be in the midst of the most pagan ritual, and because of your hunger for Him - your seeking Him, He'll show up.  He rewards, and is faithful to those who diligently seek Him.

God cannot be contained in a building, a denomination or any other "box" we may try to stuff Him into.  However, we need to be careful.  We do need to choose our churches carefully - we need to make sure that we are being taught correctly.  Too many times our decisions on where to attend church are based on where our family attends, what music we like or what the fellowship amongst the congregation is like.  Not that those things aren't relevant...they're just not AS relevant.  Without correct instruction, we may spend our whole lives without understanding who God really is, without understanding His love, His purpose for our lives..in some cases without even understanding salvation.  How do we know which churches are theologically correct?  By reading His Word, by seeking Him. 

If God Himself doesn't reside in a building, then what is the point of going to church?  Well, there are lots of reasons why church is important.  Instruction, worship, fellowship, etc. are important.  But those things occur in any church.  You owe it to yourself, your family and God to make sure that your denominational decisions are firmly based in your understanding of God's Word.  That's what makes the difference between a "meat and potatoes" sermon that allows the Holy Spirit to speak to our hearts and transform our lives, and an awkward nap on an uncomfortable pew.  We shouldn't take anyone's "word for it" regarding spiritual matters.  The Lord deserves more than that.  We should be taking His word as the final word.

Too many people out there are actually sinning by going to church.  Not because they're going to the "wrong" one, but because they're making it an idol.  They're putting their church or their pastor or their comfort zone above God.  And I will admit that I have at times been guilty of that myself.

I'll post a little note that I wrote earlier about the importance of fellowship in a moment, but for right now, this is my prayer...Lord, please help me to remember that You don't show up at church because of the sign on the door...You show up to meet with me.  Thank you for loving me with a love that permeates walls and boundaries, for being available to me wherever I am.  Help me to obedient to You, and to honor You with my decisions...not only in where I head to on Sunday mornings, but in every aspect of my life.

God Says "No Complaining...Just Kidding!"

 (A note I wrote a while back on YouVersion...)

In Philippians 2:14-15, we have the inspired Word of God which says "Don't complain or argue about stuff...just kidding! Go ahead and complain, God doesn't care!" (Ok, that's not what it says...that's what I wish it said!)

Today I'm continuing on my mission of going through God's word with a new perspective...with the intent of truly believing, accepting and LIVING everything God says. 

Not ten minutes ago I had a huge "vent session" in which I made my mom (poor thing) listen to me complain about all the things that happen at work that upset me.  We said goodbye and each went about our business and I thought..."oops"! Why had I forgotten this Philippians verse before speaking?  And why did I feel the need to complain anyway!? 

The answer is simple...when God inspired the writing of this passage...he must have been joking! Maybe God just doesn't want me to complain about CHURCH things. If God worked where I do, he'd complain too, right?  No...he wouldn't.

And I don't really think God was joking about this or any other portion of scripture.  There must be some other reason why I'm a complainer...so, what is it?

In the NASB version, Philippians 2:15 says we should do everything without complaining or arguing because it "will prove yourselves to be blameless and innocent, children of God above reproach in the midst of a crooked and perverse generation, among whom you appear as lights in the world". 

I shouldn't be complaining in any circumstance, because the JOY of the Lord is my strength.  If I'm in a close relationship with my Father, won't I see this world through His eyes?  I'll look at bad situations and frustrating people, and see hope.  I'll see an opportunity for God's hand to move, and people who need the transforming, saving grace of Christ.  I'm called to a life of UN-Complainism (yes, that's a word I just invented), because by doing so I'm a light to those who are lost in darkness!

So why then, do I still struggle?  I have to realize that if in fact my mouth speaks from the overflow of my heart (Matthew 12:34), I might not be as close to God as I'd like to think I am.  I'm still growing.  I'm still in the process of making Psalm 119:11 a reality in my life.  I'm still seeking the Lord and reading His word...and until I know what it says, I'll always be making mistakes. 

I can't know how to serve and follow God without knowing what he says about serving and following Him.  That's like saying you're going to be a Justin Bieber fanatic without knowing who he is or what he sings...it doesn't make sense.  Christianity isn't about a one-time prayer, or a set schedule of religious activities.  It's about an ongoing relationship with Jesus Christ, and continually allowing Him access to transform our hearts and lives.

The Rejoicing Victims

Today I was reading along in the book of Acts when a few verses in particular caught my attention.  Acts 5:40-42.  The NASB says this:

"They took his advice; and after calling the apostles in, they flogged them and ordered them not to speak in the name of Jesus, and then released them.  So they went on their way from the presence of the Council, rejoicing that they had been considered worthy to suffer shame for His name.  And every day, in the temple and from house to house, they kept right on teaching and preaching Jesus as the Christ."

In this portion of scripture, the apostles were having a good time sharing about Christ with people, when they were politely asked not to continue with their teaching anymore.  Ok, not so politely asked...they were flogged and ordered not to speak in the name of Jesus any longer.  

The Holy Spirit used their reaction to convict me...they left "rejoicing that they had been considered worthy to suffer shame for His name", and they continued teaching and preaching.  Wow.  How selfish I am.  I've never been flogged for my beliefs, but I'm pretty sure if it happened yesterday my reaction wouldn't have been one of rejoicing.  It would've been one of ... crying and whining.  There would have been a lot of "Why me, God?" and "I thought you took care of those who loved you, God!" going on.  

When I got on my knees and told Jesus that I wanted to follow and serve Him, that I wanted to give Him my life, and that I trusted Him...did I actually mean it?  Because it sure seems that I've not quite given my life to Him.  It seems like maybe I've invited Him to participate in aspects of my life.  


These verses really caused me to take a harder look at my heart than I've done in a while.  It's hard to admit to myself that I'm not (yet) quite the Christian I desire to be.  Of course I knew I wasn't perfect...but I hadn't realized I was such a...Sissy Christian.  Such a flake!  How can I say that I want to be obedient in everything God asks of me, that I want to be able to be used by Him for His purposes, if I only want to participate in things that are best for me and me alone?  Or rather, that SEEM best for me! 


I do want to become someone that God can trust to be obedient...someone that He can use to advance His kingdom.  I desire to be someone that can be used by God in Mind-Blowing-Life-Altering ways, and yet give Him all the glory without selfishness...to have truly given myself to Him to the point of being glad of affliction I receive for serving Him, because that would mean He was big enough in me and through me to have caught some attention in the first place!


Here's the other thing...often in life I've had a rough day, a bummer week.  Something "awful" has happened, and I've been occasionally guilty of turning to God in anger.  Wondering where He was, and why He had left me alone between a rock and a hard place.  Over and over I'm seeing (in scripture and in my own life) that sometimes that "rock" and that "hard place" aren't really what they seem to be.  Sometimes that "rock" is God's hand of protection, and that "hard place" is really mercy that I'm not at all deserving of.  For example, in this bit of Acts the apostles were flogged.  But in Acts 5:33, a little bit earlier, we read that the Council had originally intended on killing the apostles.  Because of the advice of an (ironically) wise Pharisee, they were only flogged and let go with a warning.  


We may never know, when going through "tough times", what God has actually delivered us from.  We may never see the "bigger picture", and be able to rejoice with understanding in who God is, and what He wants for our lives...especially if we're only giving Him part of us, and clinging onto the rest ourselves out of selfishness and fear of losing control.  I'm a more fearful person than I realized.  There, I admitted it...I am sometimes afraid of what giving ALL of me to God might mean for me and my earthly future.  But the truth is, hanging onto a bit of control is actually more frightening.  In my head I know how well God takes care of those who are faithful to Him.  I know about His love, provision and protection.  I know that living a life that glorifies Him may make the difference between my being killed, or only being flogged.  Knowing isn't enough...and on this journey of mine, new understanding must lead to action on my part...


Lord, transform my heart.  Remove this selfish desire to maintain control.  I realize that in reality, I can control so little of what goes on in my life and world.  Open my eyes to see who You really are...I trust You with all of my life, and I give it to you again now with all of my heart.
 

The Purpose of Seeking

The purpose of this blog is to give me a place to chronologically record my spiritual journey.  God has really been speaking to my heart over the past year, especially concerning two verses of scripture in particular:

1. Psalm 119:11
"Your word I have treasured in my heart, that I might not sin against You." (NASB)

2. Proverbs 8:17
"I love those who love me; and those who diligently seek me will find me." (NASB)


Long ago I made the decision to give my life to the Lord...but it's only more recently that I've had an increased desire to find out what that really means.   I find myself wanting to know who God is more intimately, wanting to understand His ways more completely.  I am no longer satisfied with simply attending church on Sunday...I want to become a Woman of God.  Someone that God can trust to be obedient to Him in all things.  Wow...I've got a long journey ahead of me to get to THAT place.  But, its a journey that I'm looking forward to with insane amounts of anticipation.


A few months ago God spoke to me with such conviction through Psalm 119:11, that I not only woke up the next morning and purchased an expensive Bible...but had the verse engraved on it.  What a simple truth it is that we cannot live according to God's word if we don't actually know what it says.  Unfortunately, I think a lot of Christians have become content with letting their Sunday sermon provide them with their fill of God's word.  There are about 32,000 verses in the Old and New Testament combined...if a preacher uses 5 different verses every week (and I've heard entire sermons based upon one verse or less of actual scripture), then it would take 6,400 Sundays to hear the entire Bible in church.  Yeah...that's over 123 years.  I don't believe in reincarnation, so if I want to be able to successfully know God's word so that I can abide by it...I better get crackin'.


The second verse, Proverbs 8:17, was also one that God really used to speak to me.  Another simple, simple truth...that if I want to know who God is, I need to seek Him.  Not seek good worship music, spiritual friends or the most popular church in town...I need to seek Him.  I'd like to blame it on the devil and say that he has been trying to confuse me and keep me from discovering God...and I'm sure he does try....but the truth is my own selfishness has gotten in the way of a deep and more substantial relationship between me and my Creator.  My own laziness has kept me looking for Him through other means (especially relying on people who seem closer to God than I am).  


So, that is what has inspired this journey.  Instead of reading a Devotional book (which are a great resource, I'm not knocking them), I'm going to "write" one.  I'm going to devote time and energy to seeking God, and give Him an opportunity to speak into my life.  And if you happened to stumble onto this blog, and are determined to read no further...at least know this:  God loves you with such depth the English language can't contain it.  


Well, I guess I'm a blogger now.  Blog.  Blogging.  Ugh, how I hate that word.  It sounds like a sticky puddle of goop, or how you might refer to a squashed bug.  Maybe it'll grow on me.